i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
