you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
