the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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