Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
