you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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