you guys were way drunker than both of me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
