2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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