You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
