Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
