i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
