goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
