I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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