Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
why is half of my head shaved?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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