So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
