it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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