Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize