we made out on top of his cat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
