apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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