She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
