I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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