Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
