The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
