Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
