In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
