i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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