we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
