ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
