What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
