I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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