how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
