I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
