Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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