I didn't shave. On purpose
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
