i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
