So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
