Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
