Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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