Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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