im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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