i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
