I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
