evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
