I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
