I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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