ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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