Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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