that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
