I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it glows. i had to have it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
