Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
