Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just forgot I was standing up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize