i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
