why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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