i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
