My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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