If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
