Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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