According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
