Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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