I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize