We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
