Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
