You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
