she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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