the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
