She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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