Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
