..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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