you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
